Mrs. Tense LOVED her students. She did not always like them. Mrs. Tense was aware that many, many students disliked her. She really did not care. However, she did want the students to respect her. Mrs. Tense wanted to work her butt off to educate them. She wanted to be the students's biggest fan.
Everything was cool in the World of Tense, until you disrespected her. When that happened, you better go to church. She may have a Prayer Meeting with you prior to consequences. Mrs. Tense never intended to punish a student, but she often gave them consequences to provide an opportunity for that student to change his misbehavior in the future.
This leads us to a student named Samson. He was well named. Samson stood 6 foot, 3 inches tall. He weighed well over 300 pounds. By 1978 standards, he was HUGE! His size could be used for good or bad. 99 percent of the time, Samson used his size for the bad. He often misbehaved in class. He constantly bullied anybody and everybody. Samson only had one friend. Her name was Edith Turnbelt. The two had been friends since before Samson could remember. He was VERY protective of her. Samson was 16 years-old. His father owned a garage. This gave Samson access to smashed cars. He became quite adept at fixing them up. Samson loved muscle cars. Even at 16, Samson owned 3 cars. But, his baby was a 1973 Corvette that he had rebuilt from the ground. It was metallic green. It had 440 horses under the hood. He had put in a brand new stereo that rocked. The only problem with his car hobby was the speed he had come accustomed to driving. He had 3 speeding tickets in the last 6 months. One more and he was in trouble. When Edith asked Samson if he was scared about it, he shrugged his shoulders.
In his low voice, Samson said, "I ain't worried bout no cops!"
Edith said, "Really, Samson!?"
"Honey, I would outrun em all. I would be home playing sleep by the time they got to my house!"
Edith let out a shrill laugh.
"I ain't worried bout nothin!"
"Nothing?"
"Well, I do have to pass English this quarter. Old Lady Tense is about to get on my last nerve."
Edith exclaimed, "You aren't scared of Mrs Tense?"
"@#^%$ Nooooo!! Tomorrow during class, I am going to scare her!!"
Edith whispered, "Oh myyyy."
The next day, Samson dragged in to fifth period English class--a minute late.
Mrs. Tense HATED tardiness!
"Samson, why are you late?"
Samson looked around, took a deep breath, and said, "Your class is on my time."
Then he added, "Hon."
Mrs. Tense took a breath herself. "I see."
"Do you need to pass this class, Samson?"
"Wellllll"
"Well WHAT?"
"Yea."
"Yea? I see."
Samson smiled. "You see what?"
"I see my future."
Samson just quite did not get it...."What future?"
"First, you will address me as mam in the future. Do you want to know more about the future?"
"yes"
"Excuse me!?"
"Yes Mam."
"Today, at 3:17, I can see a room with a phone. It's a little cloudy. Wait, it is clear! It is the teacher's lounge!"
Samson's mouth was open, and the other students began to giggle.
Now, Mrs. Tense addressed the entire class. "I am sure everyone wants to know what I am seeing at 3:17 in the Teacher's Lounge."
Several students said, "Yes mam!"
"I see a phone. Oh my, there is a hand dialing a number."
One student said, "Did somebody pick up on the other end?"
"Yes, I can hear a Voice....it is saying RALPH'S GARAGE. RALPH SPEAKING."
Samson failed to remember that he was scared of one person in the world...his daddy--Ralph.
He burst out, "Mrs. Tense, please tell me what I need to do---so you can see a different future!"
The students died laughing!
Mrs. Tense simply said, "I think it is time to get back to the present."
Samson sat like an angel for the remainder of the class period.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Monday, April 9, 2018
Mrs. Tense 1.4; Back to Reality
It was April 10, 1978...a Monday. But not just any Monday. It was the Monday following the 2 days of Spring Break.
NOTE: In 1978, there were only 2 days of holidays between Christmas Holidays and Summer Break, which came in June. The 2 precious days were Spring Break!
Mrs. Tense was unusually grumpy...
First period, she gave the students an assignment. If anybody ask a question, she grunted--hoping nobody had the guts to ask her to repeat her answer. She got her wish!
Second period, she had advanced to a low talk for an answer. The first two students to ask her to repeat the answer were awoken with a yell. Nobody asked her any more questions that period.
Ahh, the 10:10 Break! Welcomed by everyone, especially on this day back from Paradise.
Mrs. Tense and her teaching buddy, Mrs. Square Dress, loved this time of the day. They took turns using each other's classroom for their break. The consistent part of the break was the snack: a pack of peanuts and a Tab to wash them down. The ladies would share stories and laugh. It wa so wonderful to have adult contact.
Brrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! The 10:20 End-the-Break Bell went off.
All parties scrambled to their third period class.
Third period, found Mrs. Tense and most students more awake. She decided to play the game: Write, read, and share.
The game consisted of the student writing about a given topic. Next, the student read a partner's story (either by choice or at random...Mrs. Tense mixed things up). Finally, the student would share the answers to the following questions with their partner.
1. Rate the beginning (or hook) on a scale of 1 to 10. The partner could ask for verification of the rating.
2. Tell the most-liked content. The partner could ask for verification.
3. Share any unclear parts of the writing. The partner could ask for further explanation.
4. Rate the conclusion (or finish) of the writing. The partner could ask for clarification.
At Mrs. Tense's discretion, she would call time. The students would return to their own seats. Then, Mrs. Tense would ask for volunteers that believed their partner's writing was worthy of sharing with the class. Mrs. Tense would usually allow 3 to 5 students to share.
The topic: If you could be an animal, which one would you choose. Why?
Today, many of the students struggled to write anything, but not Dorothea Davis. She was wide awake--fresh off reading 5 books during her precious four-day weekend break. Dorothea's favorite class was English, and it showed. Mrs. Tense had allowed the students to choose their partners this day. (She was pretty apathetic about the entire day.) Dorothea and Marty paired up. Marty also loved English, and the two always paired up if they were given a choice. Sure enough, when Mrs. Tense ask for students to volunteer their partner, Marty raised his hand.
Marty exclaimed, "Dorothea has out done herself today."
Some of the students groaned.
Mike said, "Do you have to be so LOUD, dude?"
Mrs. Tense asked Dorothea to come to the front of the class to share.
Dorothea enthusiastically began, "If I were an animal, I would be a bird. Migrating would be my favorite time of the year. My wings would allow me to soar to new region after new region. I would stop and eat the food provided by God. When full, my buddies and I would take off. There would be times we would stop overnight. Usually, the next morning would find us up at daybreak searching for the proverbial worm! We often played for awhile prior to scooting off to our next stop. Also, I would love to be a mother-bird. I would find food, then vomit it in my little chicks' mouths. (At this point, some students almost gagged themselves.) I confess there would be ONE serious problem! Due to mother nature's desire to protect me, I would be a boring earth color, while my husband would be a beautiful, vibrant color. Thank you."
As Dorothea sat down, two people clapped, while several students looked at her like they could vomit in her mouth!
Mrs. Tense simply said, "Wonderful Dorothea!"
More volunteers shared....
By 3:15, Mrs. Tense was elated. She always did school work at school and home. However, today was different. She left at 3:17 with no papers. The day after Spring Break was like no other. Freddy would be taking her out to eat tonight, and he better like it!
NOTE: In 1978, there were only 2 days of holidays between Christmas Holidays and Summer Break, which came in June. The 2 precious days were Spring Break!
Mrs. Tense was unusually grumpy...
First period, she gave the students an assignment. If anybody ask a question, she grunted--hoping nobody had the guts to ask her to repeat her answer. She got her wish!
Second period, she had advanced to a low talk for an answer. The first two students to ask her to repeat the answer were awoken with a yell. Nobody asked her any more questions that period.
Ahh, the 10:10 Break! Welcomed by everyone, especially on this day back from Paradise.
Mrs. Tense and her teaching buddy, Mrs. Square Dress, loved this time of the day. They took turns using each other's classroom for their break. The consistent part of the break was the snack: a pack of peanuts and a Tab to wash them down. The ladies would share stories and laugh. It wa so wonderful to have adult contact.
Brrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! The 10:20 End-the-Break Bell went off.
All parties scrambled to their third period class.
Third period, found Mrs. Tense and most students more awake. She decided to play the game: Write, read, and share.
The game consisted of the student writing about a given topic. Next, the student read a partner's story (either by choice or at random...Mrs. Tense mixed things up). Finally, the student would share the answers to the following questions with their partner.
1. Rate the beginning (or hook) on a scale of 1 to 10. The partner could ask for verification of the rating.
2. Tell the most-liked content. The partner could ask for verification.
3. Share any unclear parts of the writing. The partner could ask for further explanation.
4. Rate the conclusion (or finish) of the writing. The partner could ask for clarification.
At Mrs. Tense's discretion, she would call time. The students would return to their own seats. Then, Mrs. Tense would ask for volunteers that believed their partner's writing was worthy of sharing with the class. Mrs. Tense would usually allow 3 to 5 students to share.
The topic: If you could be an animal, which one would you choose. Why?
Today, many of the students struggled to write anything, but not Dorothea Davis. She was wide awake--fresh off reading 5 books during her precious four-day weekend break. Dorothea's favorite class was English, and it showed. Mrs. Tense had allowed the students to choose their partners this day. (She was pretty apathetic about the entire day.) Dorothea and Marty paired up. Marty also loved English, and the two always paired up if they were given a choice. Sure enough, when Mrs. Tense ask for students to volunteer their partner, Marty raised his hand.
Marty exclaimed, "Dorothea has out done herself today."
Some of the students groaned.
Mike said, "Do you have to be so LOUD, dude?"
Mrs. Tense asked Dorothea to come to the front of the class to share.
Dorothea enthusiastically began, "If I were an animal, I would be a bird. Migrating would be my favorite time of the year. My wings would allow me to soar to new region after new region. I would stop and eat the food provided by God. When full, my buddies and I would take off. There would be times we would stop overnight. Usually, the next morning would find us up at daybreak searching for the proverbial worm! We often played for awhile prior to scooting off to our next stop. Also, I would love to be a mother-bird. I would find food, then vomit it in my little chicks' mouths. (At this point, some students almost gagged themselves.) I confess there would be ONE serious problem! Due to mother nature's desire to protect me, I would be a boring earth color, while my husband would be a beautiful, vibrant color. Thank you."
As Dorothea sat down, two people clapped, while several students looked at her like they could vomit in her mouth!
Mrs. Tense simply said, "Wonderful Dorothea!"
More volunteers shared....
By 3:15, Mrs. Tense was elated. She always did school work at school and home. However, today was different. She left at 3:17 with no papers. The day after Spring Break was like no other. Freddy would be taking her out to eat tonight, and he better like it!
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Mrs. Tense 1.3; WORK, WORK ,WORK
The average Joe has no idea how much teachers work. Some people say, 'They have summers off.'
But, the teachers need the summer to recover from dealing with students, parents, and the pressure of their job. However, almost all the teachers at Smallville High loved their job. Mrs. Tense was one of the most.
Mrs. Tense loved to grade 'English Papers.' This would include first drafts, second drafts, tenth drafts, and completed papers. She spent about $12 per year on red pens. These were her swords for cutting the students' writing. Mrs. Tense would even take the papers to bed for grading prior to going to sleep. Her husband, Freddy did not understand the need to grade for hours But, Mrs. Tense told Freddy she would be drowning in papers if she didn't keep up. (That happened in 1973 when Mrs. Tense got the Whooping Cough.)
Tuesday morning was Mrs. Tense's favorite time of the week! Freddy actually took her to breakfast at McDonalds. She drank sooooo much coffee that she was hyper all day. Maybe that is why Mrs. Tense made Tuesdays into a special day called: Share Fair. The students thought it was THE corniest name in the world. It simply meant the students would share their writing drafts with the class. Most of the time, Mrs. Tense picked the best drafts to be shared. Other times, she accepted volunteers. Then, there were the days she grabbed a name out of the hat. Most students hated those days. Many students didn't write well. While even less liked to share with the class.
Just like clockwork, Mrs. Tense punched in at 7:40. As she got ready for the day, she wrote on her blackboard in big letters: SHARE FAIR. Her first period students came in with several moans. Even though this practice was weekly, there were many students who appeared to have no idea about it. Mrs. Tense called them the Twilighters after the show, The Twilight Zone. Patsy, the Class Clerk, passed out the students' rough drafts. Mrs. Tense had pretty well inked-up most of them.
Mrs. Tense began class, "Students, take out your handouts from yesterday that contained the 3 Writing Prompts. Let's read these as a reminder. Butch, #1.
"You are approached by a Senior to buy some weed. What do you do? Use dialogue."
Mrs. Tense barked out, "Suzie Q, read #2."
"Your father allows you to choose the family vacation. Explain in detail the vacation you and your family go on."
Mrs. Tense said, "Thank You. Tom, take #3."
Tom cleared his throat, and used his deep voice, "IF YOU WERE THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL WHAT CHANGES WOULD YOU MAKE?"
Several students laughed. Mrs. Tense used her deep voice, "THANK YOU!"
The students cackled.
"It was interesting to me that 75% of you chose the first prompt. 23% chose the second prompt. And, one student--Bsocefiuos chose the third prompt. I will allow the best of each prompt to share. If your paper looks like somebody bled on it, you will NOT be sharing.
Eddie Van Ripple was chosen by Mrs. Tense for his good work on the first prompt.
"Yo, Ed!"
"Hey Jerome."
"How ya feeling?"
"Little tired."
"Well how would you, my man, like to feel better?"
"Uhhh. How?"
"Simple, EdDEE. Smoke your way to High Land. The Mountains, Baby!"
"Are you talking about getting high?"
"Uh, yea. For the low, low price of $5."
"Listen, Jerome, if you want to do that, I don't mind. But, it's not for me, Pal."
"I see. There is one thing to remember. If anybody--I mean a-n-y-b-o-d-y says you told them about Jerome's little store, Lights Out for EDEE!"
"I am not a snitch, Jerome. See ya, man."
THE CLASS CLAPPED.
Mrs. Tense thanked Eddie. She called on Patsy for the next prompt.
Frank coughed out, "Teacher's pet," from the back of the room. Patsy gave the fish eye to Frank, and many of the students let out an oooooooooo.
Patsy smiled like she was on a Dentist Commercial. She talked like she was your best friend, who really wasn't your best friend (backstabbing voice).
"My family would go to the Amusement Park called Treasure Island. As the father of 4 kids: 2 years old, 7, 10, and 15----this would provide variety at a cheap price. Plus, I could sit in a lounge chair by the pool all day. When my wife asked me to do something, I was just pretend-sleep. HuuHuuHuu (Patsy used a man voice for the laugh.)
That night, we would go to Pizza Hut, and pig out.
Finally, we would hit the Putt-Putt course."
Patsy said down. Nobody clapped. Their mouths were open at the lame vacation Patsy chose. Many of the students were thinking their vacation was better than that.
On cue (as if she could read minds), Mrs. Tense said, "Oh, many of you are thinking, 'My vacation plans are better.'" Several students nodded.
Mrs. Tense continued to explain, "HOWEVER, your drafts were NOT written as well."
Mrs. Tense cleared her throat, "Bsocefiuos, since you were the only student to write on the last prompt, the floor is yours."
Bsocefiuos, the most self-unaware person in the room, jumped up and began talking.
"Alright! Thanks, Mrs. Tense! Hi there ladies and boys. Sit back and listen and enjoy."
"If I were the principal, school would be kinda optional. I mean, you gotta come some, but heck--not all the time. Hah! You could choose 3 Electives and 3 serious classes per quarter. 60 is passing. I would institute a policy called teacher-student confidence. If ya parent wants to know anything about school--specially yo grade---the school can't tell em!! HaHa! The teachers took a hypocritical oath! Finally, McDonald's would set up shop in our lunchroom. I would order a Big Mac, fries, and coke EVERY day! We would have the best tooting school in the universe. Thank you very much!"
Bsocefiuos sat down proudly.
Mrs. Tense simply said, "That was atrocious."
But, the teachers need the summer to recover from dealing with students, parents, and the pressure of their job. However, almost all the teachers at Smallville High loved their job. Mrs. Tense was one of the most.
Mrs. Tense loved to grade 'English Papers.' This would include first drafts, second drafts, tenth drafts, and completed papers. She spent about $12 per year on red pens. These were her swords for cutting the students' writing. Mrs. Tense would even take the papers to bed for grading prior to going to sleep. Her husband, Freddy did not understand the need to grade for hours But, Mrs. Tense told Freddy she would be drowning in papers if she didn't keep up. (That happened in 1973 when Mrs. Tense got the Whooping Cough.)
Tuesday morning was Mrs. Tense's favorite time of the week! Freddy actually took her to breakfast at McDonalds. She drank sooooo much coffee that she was hyper all day. Maybe that is why Mrs. Tense made Tuesdays into a special day called: Share Fair. The students thought it was THE corniest name in the world. It simply meant the students would share their writing drafts with the class. Most of the time, Mrs. Tense picked the best drafts to be shared. Other times, she accepted volunteers. Then, there were the days she grabbed a name out of the hat. Most students hated those days. Many students didn't write well. While even less liked to share with the class.
Just like clockwork, Mrs. Tense punched in at 7:40. As she got ready for the day, she wrote on her blackboard in big letters: SHARE FAIR. Her first period students came in with several moans. Even though this practice was weekly, there were many students who appeared to have no idea about it. Mrs. Tense called them the Twilighters after the show, The Twilight Zone. Patsy, the Class Clerk, passed out the students' rough drafts. Mrs. Tense had pretty well inked-up most of them.
Mrs. Tense began class, "Students, take out your handouts from yesterday that contained the 3 Writing Prompts. Let's read these as a reminder. Butch, #1.
"You are approached by a Senior to buy some weed. What do you do? Use dialogue."
Mrs. Tense barked out, "Suzie Q, read #2."
"Your father allows you to choose the family vacation. Explain in detail the vacation you and your family go on."
Mrs. Tense said, "Thank You. Tom, take #3."
Tom cleared his throat, and used his deep voice, "IF YOU WERE THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL WHAT CHANGES WOULD YOU MAKE?"
Several students laughed. Mrs. Tense used her deep voice, "THANK YOU!"
The students cackled.
"It was interesting to me that 75% of you chose the first prompt. 23% chose the second prompt. And, one student--Bsocefiuos chose the third prompt. I will allow the best of each prompt to share. If your paper looks like somebody bled on it, you will NOT be sharing.
Eddie Van Ripple was chosen by Mrs. Tense for his good work on the first prompt.
"Yo, Ed!"
"Hey Jerome."
"How ya feeling?"
"Little tired."
"Well how would you, my man, like to feel better?"
"Uhhh. How?"
"Simple, EdDEE. Smoke your way to High Land. The Mountains, Baby!"
"Are you talking about getting high?"
"Uh, yea. For the low, low price of $5."
"Listen, Jerome, if you want to do that, I don't mind. But, it's not for me, Pal."
"I see. There is one thing to remember. If anybody--I mean a-n-y-b-o-d-y says you told them about Jerome's little store, Lights Out for EDEE!"
"I am not a snitch, Jerome. See ya, man."
THE CLASS CLAPPED.
Mrs. Tense thanked Eddie. She called on Patsy for the next prompt.
Frank coughed out, "Teacher's pet," from the back of the room. Patsy gave the fish eye to Frank, and many of the students let out an oooooooooo.
Patsy smiled like she was on a Dentist Commercial. She talked like she was your best friend, who really wasn't your best friend (backstabbing voice).
"My family would go to the Amusement Park called Treasure Island. As the father of 4 kids: 2 years old, 7, 10, and 15----this would provide variety at a cheap price. Plus, I could sit in a lounge chair by the pool all day. When my wife asked me to do something, I was just pretend-sleep. HuuHuuHuu (Patsy used a man voice for the laugh.)
That night, we would go to Pizza Hut, and pig out.
Finally, we would hit the Putt-Putt course."
Patsy said down. Nobody clapped. Their mouths were open at the lame vacation Patsy chose. Many of the students were thinking their vacation was better than that.
On cue (as if she could read minds), Mrs. Tense said, "Oh, many of you are thinking, 'My vacation plans are better.'" Several students nodded.
Mrs. Tense continued to explain, "HOWEVER, your drafts were NOT written as well."
Mrs. Tense cleared her throat, "Bsocefiuos, since you were the only student to write on the last prompt, the floor is yours."
Bsocefiuos, the most self-unaware person in the room, jumped up and began talking.
"Alright! Thanks, Mrs. Tense! Hi there ladies and boys. Sit back and listen and enjoy."
"If I were the principal, school would be kinda optional. I mean, you gotta come some, but heck--not all the time. Hah! You could choose 3 Electives and 3 serious classes per quarter. 60 is passing. I would institute a policy called teacher-student confidence. If ya parent wants to know anything about school--specially yo grade---the school can't tell em!! HaHa! The teachers took a hypocritical oath! Finally, McDonald's would set up shop in our lunchroom. I would order a Big Mac, fries, and coke EVERY day! We would have the best tooting school in the universe. Thank you very much!"
Bsocefiuos sat down proudly.
Mrs. Tense simply said, "That was atrocious."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)