The average Joe has no idea how much teachers work. Some people say, 'They have summers off.'
But, the teachers need the summer to recover from dealing with students, parents, and the pressure of their job. However, almost all the teachers at Smallville High loved their job. Mrs. Tense was one of the most.
Mrs. Tense loved to grade 'English Papers.' This would include first drafts, second drafts, tenth drafts, and completed papers. She spent about $12 per year on red pens. These were her swords for cutting the students' writing. Mrs. Tense would even take the papers to bed for grading prior to going to sleep. Her husband, Freddy did not understand the need to grade for hours But, Mrs. Tense told Freddy she would be drowning in papers if she didn't keep up. (That happened in 1973 when Mrs. Tense got the Whooping Cough.)
Tuesday morning was Mrs. Tense's favorite time of the week! Freddy actually took her to breakfast at McDonalds. She drank sooooo much coffee that she was hyper all day. Maybe that is why Mrs. Tense made Tuesdays into a special day called: Share Fair. The students thought it was THE corniest name in the world. It simply meant the students would share their writing drafts with the class. Most of the time, Mrs. Tense picked the best drafts to be shared. Other times, she accepted volunteers. Then, there were the days she grabbed a name out of the hat. Most students hated those days. Many students didn't write well. While even less liked to share with the class.
Just like clockwork, Mrs. Tense punched in at 7:40. As she got ready for the day, she wrote on her blackboard in big letters: SHARE FAIR. Her first period students came in with several moans. Even though this practice was weekly, there were many students who appeared to have no idea about it. Mrs. Tense called them the Twilighters after the show, The Twilight Zone. Patsy, the Class Clerk, passed out the students' rough drafts. Mrs. Tense had pretty well inked-up most of them.
Mrs. Tense began class, "Students, take out your handouts from yesterday that contained the 3 Writing Prompts. Let's read these as a reminder. Butch, #1.
"You are approached by a Senior to buy some weed. What do you do? Use dialogue."
Mrs. Tense barked out, "Suzie Q, read #2."
"Your father allows you to choose the family vacation. Explain in detail the vacation you and your family go on."
Mrs. Tense said, "Thank You. Tom, take #3."
Tom cleared his throat, and used his deep voice, "IF YOU WERE THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL WHAT CHANGES WOULD YOU MAKE?"
Several students laughed. Mrs. Tense used her deep voice, "THANK YOU!"
The students cackled.
"It was interesting to me that 75% of you chose the first prompt. 23% chose the second prompt. And, one student--Bsocefiuos chose the third prompt. I will allow the best of each prompt to share. If your paper looks like somebody bled on it, you will NOT be sharing.
Eddie Van Ripple was chosen by Mrs. Tense for his good work on the first prompt.
"Yo, Ed!"
"Hey Jerome."
"How ya feeling?"
"Little tired."
"Well how would you, my man, like to feel better?"
"Uhhh. How?"
"Simple, EdDEE. Smoke your way to High Land. The Mountains, Baby!"
"Are you talking about getting high?"
"Uh, yea. For the low, low price of $5."
"Listen, Jerome, if you want to do that, I don't mind. But, it's not for me, Pal."
"I see. There is one thing to remember. If anybody--I mean a-n-y-b-o-d-y says you told them about Jerome's little store, Lights Out for EDEE!"
"I am not a snitch, Jerome. See ya, man."
THE CLASS CLAPPED.
Mrs. Tense thanked Eddie. She called on Patsy for the next prompt.
Frank coughed out, "Teacher's pet," from the back of the room. Patsy gave the fish eye to Frank, and many of the students let out an oooooooooo.
Patsy smiled like she was on a Dentist Commercial. She talked like she was your best friend, who really wasn't your best friend (backstabbing voice).
"My family would go to the Amusement Park called Treasure Island. As the father of 4 kids: 2 years old, 7, 10, and 15----this would provide variety at a cheap price. Plus, I could sit in a lounge chair by the pool all day. When my wife asked me to do something, I was just pretend-sleep. HuuHuuHuu (Patsy used a man voice for the laugh.)
That night, we would go to Pizza Hut, and pig out.
Finally, we would hit the Putt-Putt course."
Patsy said down. Nobody clapped. Their mouths were open at the lame vacation Patsy chose. Many of the students were thinking their vacation was better than that.
On cue (as if she could read minds), Mrs. Tense said, "Oh, many of you are thinking, 'My vacation plans are better.'" Several students nodded.
Mrs. Tense continued to explain, "HOWEVER, your drafts were NOT written as well."
Mrs. Tense cleared her throat, "Bsocefiuos, since you were the only student to write on the last prompt, the floor is yours."
Bsocefiuos, the most self-unaware person in the room, jumped up and began talking.
"Alright! Thanks, Mrs. Tense! Hi there ladies and boys. Sit back and listen and enjoy."
"If I were the principal, school would be kinda optional. I mean, you gotta come some, but heck--not all the time. Hah! You could choose 3 Electives and 3 serious classes per quarter. 60 is passing. I would institute a policy called teacher-student confidence. If ya parent wants to know anything about school--specially yo grade---the school can't tell em!! HaHa! The teachers took a hypocritical oath! Finally, McDonald's would set up shop in our lunchroom. I would order a Big Mac, fries, and coke EVERY day! We would have the best tooting school in the universe. Thank you very much!"
Bsocefiuos sat down proudly.
Mrs. Tense simply said, "That was atrocious."
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